Cont. Ian the Realistic Person

Now, the minions trained in mortal combat started killing everything. Having so much thirst for blood, they grabbed Jane's aquatic-zoo-fishbowl collection and started dumping all the goldfish into the Atlantic (freshwater fish, my friends, FRESHWATER fish!).

Meanwhile, Ian, unable to find Jane or Ellen (Dance Dance Revolution 4th floor starboard GO GO GO I'm WINNING), noticed a large box with several revolving locks and reinforced solid gold hinges. Unfortunately for Jane and Ellen, who really did not think this through, gold is quite the malleable metal, so Ian took a bat to the lock and within minutes smashed it to bits. Lifting the latch, he found another box with another gold padlock inside, smashed that lock, and proceeded to go through four more similar boxes within boxes, smashing solid gold locks, until he came to the thing in the center--a little grey box (fortunately not gold, or Ian at this point would have started smashing it out of habit RABBIT TRAIL: From this point on, Ian developed an automatic reaction of smashing gold whenever he saw it, so much so, that they [whoever was around] had to keep him out of places like the Smithsonian and Rocky's Precious Coins Collection in Manhattan because his developed compulsion reached such an extremity that he went into a smashing rage whenever he came across solid gold things UN-RABBIT TRAIL).

The little grey box had (of course!) a giant red button, with a sticky note on it reading: "I dare you to push me." Who wouldn't? Ian pushed the button, half the ship exploded, and before he knew it, everyone was grasping after driftwood and charred plastic, trying not to get singed by flying paraphernalia.

"Brilliant. Just brilliant. I quit." Elmo Babytalk stalked off (whether that is really possible floating in water, I cannot tell). The "I quit" confused Ian, because he was not paying E. B. anything; E.B. just had a lot of spite, and was mainly a follower, not a leader. Ian just shrugged; he could handle setbacks.

Fortunately for our floating heroines, the minions were ONLY trained in mortal combat and promptly drowned upon touching the water.

Jane and Ellen, who were arguing about top scores and 'who would have won' floated in the general direction of Ian, and everyone grew dreadfully quiet...